I think most new parents have some level of expectation around things they are or are not going to do regarding their children. I want to talk about some of mine and how unrealistic some of these are when you’re in the thick of it, and also when you should sometimes just give yourself a break from trying to implement all the great plans that you may have.
My first major expectation was not letting Elias (my son) sit and watch videos on a device of some sort. I distinctly remember saying “How can parents just let their kids sit there and watch videos?” Oh, how naive I was. I cannot even count how many occasions videos of dancing fruit saved us when all other options had been exhausted in the early days. Nowadays he may watch a specific video on something like cars or a children’s tv programme, but it’s not really used too much to prevent or stop full on meltdowns thankfully, and to be fair he has learnt a lot from these videos – such as colours, numbers and words. From this experience I’ve realised that sometimes you just have to do what you have to do at the time to get through.
Another big thing I was planning was to always play with him in an educational way and make sure I was fully engaging in what he was doing. This I suppose relates more now that he is older and plays with his toys imaginatively. For me I’ve found that I’ve stepped more into a role of physical play: we do play with some of his toys (cars mainly as he’s obsessed) but usually its silly play such as running, chasing, rolling around, jumping and tickling. This is how he likes to play with me, whereas my wife will play with him using toys more imaginatively. She also thinks a lot more about things that will help his learning and buys educational things for him. I did initially feel bad about not engaging with him as much in that way, but ultimately realised that as long as he’s happy and getting that balance of learning and play between the both of us then that’s all that matters. Also as a side note I just want to say that if you are so tired that you are laying on the floor and only able to use one hand to play (for example pushing a car for the 100th time) then that’s fine because you’re still doing your bit.
Another expectation was the phases. I naively thought that once a phase had passed there would a moment of grace to relax slightly and regain yourself ready for the next one. Wrong! What I have found out is that there is always another phase and apparently this will continue until they are adults. Come to think of it, maybe we all regularly transitioning through different phases and they are just less apparent as we get older. Still, with each new challenge the different phases present, they bring more than their fair share of awesome things along with them.
The final one I want to talk about is the amount that I miss him when I’m at work or don’t see him for a few hours. Now don’t get me wrong I knew I would miss him, but it’s the amount I miss him considering it’s just a short amount of time. I find myself looking at pictures of him on my phone or just wanting to be able to give him a cuddle and this makes me try and make the most of our time when we are together. I’ve realised that the connection we have with our children is beyond anything explainable and I feel there’s something extremely powerful and special in that.
So, what have I learnt from these experiences? I’ve learnt not to put too much pressure on myself to live up to a standard I have set myself or the plan that I had. The main thing is to make sure that Elias is happy, healthy and living in a home environment where he knows he is loved. I feel everything else after that will fall into place.
